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The Melting Stalagmite

Back in the days when Orkut was still young and I was still uncivilized, my alter egos aka Fake profiles used to troll 'casually' in many controversial communities. In one such community, I had a long debate with a paki on the Indo-Pak soap opera, Kashmir. I lost the debate hands down because of lack of information. He seemed to have more credible information about the "realities" of the situation. The only defense mechanism I had then was to cry out "bogus" "bogus". As the debate ran into days, I started realizing the great blanket that had been covered over our eyes by the Indian Government and surprisingly the private media.

There is undoubtedly a strong separatist movement in Kashmir. What the Indian Government had been doing for years and years was to hold dummy elections in the state. The army was constantly put in a position where the thin line between peace keeper and human rights violation blurred. India till now has put in 60 years of effort to set things “right” and till now nothing substantial has emerged out of this. But is it worth it?

It always was for me. As a small child, all that mattered to me was the picture in which the map of India was layered beautifully with the drawing of Mother India riding a lion. Kashmir was where Bharath Mata’s head was place. Giving Kashmir away was like cutting the head of our dear Mother India.

As I grew up, I realized that my thinking was symbolically correct. Without Kashmir, India’s head would literally be cut. Kashmir is the final frontier for the very concept called India. It’s a place where we could prove that India is a nation built not just because of religious, regional or racial feelings. It is a place where we could finally disprove the narrow 2 Nation theory. It is a place which would justify the existence of almost 20% of Indians in India: the Muslims.

Now the Azadi movement of Kashmir has picked up pace. Ironically it was the BJP/RSS who contributed negatively. It was Atal Bihari Vajpayee government who lifted the ban on Hurriyat conference. And now it is the Kashmir blockade by Hindus in Jammu that has poured fuel on the issue now. It has given a moral high ground for the separatists and has given them a reason good enough to go all out on this issue.

This was never supposed to happen. As cruel as it sound, in reality, as long as there was terrorism in Kashmir, the situation was pro-India. Neither were they ever going to embrace the non violence method propounded by the mahatma. But now with ISI concentrating more on Afghanistan than on Kashmir, the azadi movement has turned a new leaf. Mass protests are the order of the day. The State Governments apathy to control the situation indicates the strong support the movement has from the people of Kashmir.

There is only one solution now for us. Buy some time somehow. Break Pakistan before Kashmir breaks India into a million pieces. And with the US troops fighting Taliban IN Pakistan, the Baluchistan movement gaining momentum and with the Congress in power without the Left support, this certainly is possible.

Dasavatharam Review

Given the name Dasavatharam and that Kamal Hassan is playing 10 different roles, what would a sane movie lover expect? A mythological cum philosophical wormhole? A tale of 10 characters conveying a strong message? I thought of lots of possibilities but I must admit that I did not expect a mindless 'action cum thriller'. The first reason why I didn't like this magnum opus of Kamal Hassan is just because of the movie name. How can you name a film Dasavataram just because your lead role is playing 10 characters? Its like George Lucas naming Star Wars as CGI because of all the graphics used in the film !! There is nothing even close to something being an "avataram" in this film. The 10 characters played by Kamal are 10 different people all together. Those roles could have been played by 10 different people and the story would have been the same.

The second reason why I didn't like the film is because of the crappy story. The director did try to convey a message in this film but he made a 3 hour film to do that. The same can be done by filming this incident:
The canteen at the theater I went to accepts only cash. I wanted to eat samosa chat which costs $5. I have only $4 with me. So I turn back to see my friend Vijay in the line behind me. He wanted to eat a Chicken Roll which costs $4 and ... well ... he had a fiver with him. Now the Almighty God placed him behind me for a specific reason. All's fine in the end because I get to eat my samosa chat. :p

The director wanted to remind us that everything that happens happens for a specific reason. Sometimes we are able to understand it and sometimes not.

It starts off with a narrator who then absolutely fizzes out of the story. The point which annoyed me was if your story revolves around a real life incident like the Tsunami then why do you have have fictional events like George Bush coming to Chennai and giving a speech like a film star? What is the point of showing the date below in every scene when you end it with a totally fictional event which never ever happened? And when was the last time Presidents and Prime Ministers ever held a public meeting in a cricket stadium to "explain" anything? And how come Karunanidhi is on the dias as the Chief Minister in 2004?

The story is about 10 different people not related by any means. They happen to be at a particular place at a particular time effecting the journey of a biological weapon which comes to Chidambharam in India from US after a series of unfortunate incidents [sic]. Now because this film is shot like a fast paced action film it tests your nerve because it keeps digressing into the lives of the different different characters. As an audience I would be least interested in the characters personal lives when a bio weapon of mass destruction is living dangerously. So when the dalit Kamal is talking some serious stuff, I was thinking about the samosa chat that I had just eaten. I wanted to sleep through the Japanese flashback. The only offshoot I enjoyed watching was this beautiful shot song " mukundha mukundha".

I was completely at loss to justify the death of the dalit Kamal. I cringed whenever Sardarji Kamal came on the screen. I still can't believe that the bullet went through his throat removing the cancer but not damaging his vocal chord. Mithun da doing this scene in a B Grade flick in the 80' s itself was pathetic. But of all the people Kamal Hassan doing it in 2008 is really ___ ( I searched the web to see if any word can describe my feeling, but I failed ). I would have loved it if the sardarji died instead of the dalit one. The Sardarji deserved to die for singing a Himesh Reshamiya pop song while doing Bhangara steps on the stage.

Fletcher was one son of a gun whom you wished never existed. The story writer just put him in some places at his own will just to irritate us. His most unwanted appearance was during the last fight when he suddenly out of nowhere jumps from a boat to the scientist Kamal. And I thought Indian cinema stopped doing this kind of screenplay for good !!

The third reason why I didn't like this film is because of the technical ascepts. It was actually quite difficult. Nothing like this has been done before by Indian cinema. In some of the scenes 3-4 Kamal Hassans was there in the same frame. Now when you are shooting such a scene either you pump in money and get it done by experts or you make it simple. Instead you have the camera swrilling round and round in all the scenes and what we end up seeing on the screen looks pathetic. The graphics was a huge let down in the 12th century story. Scenes that could have been shot for real were replaced by poor graphics. Editing was really sloppy. In order to make it a fast paced action, they over did the editing part and the whole film looked amateurish because of that.

As usual, the comedy part saved the movie. The CBI officer had everyone in splits whenever he said something. But unfortunately some of Asin's jokes were straight from the PJ community in Orkut.

Now seriuosly, it was a really difficult film to make. No doubt about that. The director did a decent job even though he was hugely let down because of the story, screenplay and graphics. It must have been a nightmare for him to plan the shooting of the whole film. Kamal Hassan does deserve a pat on his back for continuing what he is best known for: experimenting. His body language for each of the characters were different. Though since I saw the telugu version, all I could hear was SP Balu's voice but still it was really impressive. Apart from that the film is a huge dissapointment.

Youtube India

Its no secret that a large portion of my time is dedicated to Youtube. The first video I saw in Youtube was a thrilling fight scene of our beloved Balayya babu (someone posted that link in the famous "I hate Balayya" community way back in Jan 2006 (??) ). From there on both Youtube and I have come a long way. Finally because of Maitri, I could finally post my own video in Youtube (yaay !!) Right now my profile says I have seen 2,572 videos which is very misleading to say the least.

No wonder then that I got a shocking surprise as I heard the news that youtube now has started an Indian edition. Now what does that exactly mean ? It means that viewers who access this site in India will now have a different page all together. The featured videos will be different. The video section which has different sections like "most viewed" "most recent" "most popular" will be different. And most importantly the channels will be different. The first thing I did when I visited the Indian "domain" was the directors channels in Youtube India. I was obviously disappointed to see no one is having fun with the cam in their free time. Undoubtedly I can see a big change in the type of channels within the ... hmmm ... ok ... let me not guess.

Then I quickly checked the most viewed videos. No surprises what so ever.#%^$&!. I am surely not expecting a change in this for god knows how many years.

Then I went to the featured videos. A strange feeling swept over me and I was suddenly wondering how they choose those videos. What I then see is a grumpy looking old man with a vlog. Too many puzzling questions came to my mind. How many would see it? How many would appreciate it ? How many would care to type a text response to it? How many would be negative? (and how negative?) This old man then claims this: "I am a virtual brand Ambassador for You Tube India. My services were actively used in organizing launch function. I do not require appointment letters or money." (woooooooooooow :p ... ok ok ... he has already posted 534 videos ... so he has the right to say that :p)

Surprisingly he goes on to sing in Hindi. Hmm ... Would Youtube feature a video where someone sings in a regional language? How would the comments for that video be? Suddenly I realized having a Youtube India is not such a thrilling thing after all. Suddenly I was reminded of the logic that no set formula can ever apply to India.

The next day iself (ie today) I get my answer. "If you go to Bangalore...Veena Player" has more than 10,000 views. (cant say how many views were recorded today). But it has only 12 ratings. And 18 comments and already the boring debate of "talk in Hindi" "national language" in full flow only because the poor guy opened his mouth to talk in his mother tongue. Orkut is full of that shit. Now its the turn of Youtube (as if it isn't already)

The joy that Youtube India exists suddenly has been completely crumpled by the fear of failure. I dont want Youtube India to fail. Again ... only TIME will tell :(

Jodha Akbar

This again is for DAUTYA

******

Ok. Let me generalize here. Most of us are engineers who have always hated history classes (not me though). Most of us probably never cared about what happened in 1556 AD. Even when it comes to films, we prefer Matrix to Gladiator. But Ashutosh Gowarikar’s Jodha Akbar had a mix that most of us couldn’t resist. He was aiming for his hattrick ( after Lagaan and Swadesh) with the batsman ( the audience) being surrounded by close-in fielders like Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai, AR Rahman, stunning Cinematography, and of course the historical characters Akbar and Jodha Bhai. I got out c Jalalludin Akbar b Ashutosh Gowarikar. Probably this result was predictable as the distributors of the film bet big and released it in AMC theaters here in Houston!

As far as history is concerned, Akbar ranks as the second best emperor India ever had (after Asoka the Great). He was obsessed with India and everything Indian. He called himself Hindustani though everyone else he knew called themselves Afghani or Persian. He had people like Birbal (his Military advisor), Todar Mal(Finance minister) and Tansen (Hindustani music composer) in his court who were a part of the famous Navratnas or the nine gems. He was of course the first Muslim king to marry a Hindu Rajput girl and form an alliance of mutual respect and trust with the Rajputhana.

Ashutosh Gowarikar has tried to highlight most of the secular actions of Akbar. The transition from Jalalludin, the child to Akbar, the emperor of India who took strong decisions on his own, some of which were considered to be blasphemous by many in his court, was beautifully portrayed in the film. Keeping in mind the fact that the director that only Akbarnama and a few other sources as references, it was tough for him to get all the variables in Akbar’s life. But unbelievably the director has made a masterpiece without going in for clichéd filmy screenplay.

Aishwarya did what was expected of her. She was totally hot as usual but she completely blended as a Rajput princess. But Hrithik just blew me off with his great acting. He effortlessly portrayed the role of an emperor who sometimes behaved like a ruthless monarch, sometimes like a lover and a flirt, sometimes like a benevolent king and sometimes like a confused child sharing his thoughts with his mother. If only he had that royal grace in his walk (like Prithviraj Kapoor in Mughal-e-Azam) and also looked 10 years older.

The cinematography was breathtaking, to say the least. AR Rahman just breathes life into the film. The spiritual content in Khwaja mere Khwaja was just awesome. The choreography was simple, beautiful and apt. But what I personally loved was the dialogues. On one side, we had Akbar speaking in Urdu with heavy usage of Arabic and Persian words and on the other side we had Jodha chirping away in pure Hindi. Of course the English subtitles spoiled the whole fun but hey … but I can’t claim to have understood every line that was being said.

But the same can’t be said about the war scenes though. Too much inspiration was drawn from LOTR and Troy. Sadly we have seen these films like a billion times. And why AR Rahman chose to go for a western BGM for the last fight scene is a mystery.

Was anything I was expecting to see missing in the film? Yes. I must say a few scenes with Birbal would have added to the message of the movie. And also I didn’t see any peacock in the whole movie which was something strange as I always thought they were raised in palaces to increase its scenic beauty. Ah … I think I am being a bit too harsh here. But Ashutosh Gowarikar has taken Bollywood to such great heights in this film that I think we can start asking such stupid questions and criticize the movie because it had no peacock.

P.S.

Gowarikar played it safe when he started the film with the disclaimer: “Jodha Bai, Queen of Hindustan and wife of the greatest of Mughal emperors, Akbar, may not have ever existed, claim some historians. Others claim that she was his daughter in law and not his wife.” But it was not safe enough as the film got banned in Rajasthan, UP, MP, and Haryana. Fortunately, we are in US where such unnecessary controversies can ever arise.

29th Feb.

Heres for a day that comes once in 4 years !!

Enjoy !!!! :)

Dhana Dhan Dhoni !!!

Haha ha ... and ha

I couldn't stop laughing when I went back in time and saw all Dhoni's pics in cricinfo.com.

Here are a few hilarious ones. ( I am sure there are a lot more )

Now, that actually is a decent shot.

Power shot :

same shot, but on the leg side:

The perfect way to play a yorker?

Did I mention that he is a wristy player? but I didnt realize he even uses shins :o !!!!
Dance baby Dance
WTF ?? Fart Shot ?
He literally throws his bat at everything:

He might end up killing someone on the field! Bravo had a lucky escape.

Now go back to each photo and notice the muscles in his arms! ... gulp ...